Everybody Poops. Even the Trans.


Ok. So I was really hoping that this transgender bathroom thing would blow over before I had time to write about it. But being as this is the year when everyone has apparently lost their fucking minds to a degree that might put Trump in the White House, this thing just won't go away. I guess we need to concern ourselves with where grown adults piss now. Neat.

As with every other right-wing freakout, their arguments against “them damned trannies” using the same bathrooms as everyone else, are firmly rooted in the kind of bigotry that can only grow from a deep misunderstanding of actual facts and their interpretation of the Bible. Was that redundant?

Anyway, the big argument that I keep hearing (or more reading online) is so statistically and intellectually flaccid that I'm infuriated by the laziness of it. The argument is that it opens the doors to sexual assault. If a man can just slap on an evening gown and waltz on in to the ladies room, then rape is the logical next step. There are several reasons why this is ridiculous. Firstly, do you really think sexual predators never thought of that fashionable camouflage for their own sick means? I'm sure it's in the NAMBLA handbook somewhere. Secondly, and more importantly, do you honestly believe that someone who is such a violent sexual predator that he preys on women in public restrooms is really gonna give a shit whether or not he's allowed in that restroom? “Well I was gonna force myself on some peein' ladies today, but the mall has really strict rules about which bathroom I can go into. Rats! Thwarted again!” No. They're gonna go right ahead and do it if they're already that fucked up.

“But what of the children?! They have to be safe in public restrooms!” I think we can all agree with that. Of course, the majority of pedophiles are adult males preying on male boys, so those guys are already using the bathroom that you want them to use. And according to the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) nearly 80% of sexual assaults occur by someone who is personally known to the victim. So statistically, your kids are better off in the bathroom with strangers than they are with anyone you know.

The worst part about both of these arguments is what they say about the arguers view of trans people. They aren't just saying that they don't want violent sex perverts in the bathroom with them. That's reasonable. Everyone's on board with that. Well, maybe not the violent sex perverts, but everyone else. What these arguments say is that transgender people are the violent sex perverts. Most of these shaky little church wives are too polite to ever say such grotesque things outright, but they'll imply the idea all day long.

This ridiculous issue has drummed up the old idea that transgender people must be sick. Homosexuality just came off of the official list of mental illnesses in 1973, and it seems that we haven't learned all that much in that time. This isn't to say that trans people are all gay. It's often the opposite. They identify and live as a different sex, and if they fully transition and are attracted to the opposite sex of their new sex, then they're straight. Sorry if you're one of the slack-jawed, Target protesting, morons who's afraid to take a crap at your local Wal-Mart now, but if that's you, you probably aren't reading much anyway, so I'm guessing I'm safe.

Now, while we're all squabbling about the issues of which strangers we're comfortable peeing around, a couple of really big news stories came out. A court in Oklahoma ruled that it's ok to force oral sex on someone as long as they're unconscious. Feel free to read that again. But, yeah let's fight about the minute and a half we might have to spend in the bathroom with Pat (Google it kids).

Then, Former US House Speaker Dennis Hastert was sentenced to 15 months in prison for being a “serial child molester.” The sentence may be a joke, but the lack of media coverage is not. So how many of these people who are scared of “that fella in the plaid shirt and work boots who always pees sittin' down” would fear their son using the bathroom with a Senator? Probably not many. But there he is. Senator Bad Touch himself. He wore the right suit, had the right job, used the right bathroom, and molested kids for decades anyway.

The truth is that we live in a society. That means that sometimes you'll be uncomfortable, and you can't oppress innocent people to avoid that feeling. You never know who the stranger in the room is. But if you live your life in constant fear of 'what ifs,' then you probably shouldn't leave the house, so public restrooms shouldn't be an issue for you. Furthermore, if you're inspecting the genitals of the other people in the bathroom, then you're the weirdo, not the lady with the Adam's apple and the sensible sundress in the stall next to you.

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