Go to Hell 2016. Your Annual Citizen Roots Awards
2016 is what a dog-year must feel like. What was only twelve months sure as hell felt like seven years. 2016 brought our dicks out for Harambe. It brought the drinks out for Lochte. 2016 delivered the Chicago Cubs a championship and Cheeto Jesus a seat in the Oval Office.
It is a crazy time to be alive right? What better way to member the most psychotic year in generations than to hand out the 2016 Citizen Roots Awards!
The 2016 Shocker of the Year goes to Ted Cruz snubbing Donald Trump at the Republican Convention.
It felt like I was watching a WWE pay per view event. Cruz turned heel in front of a raucous crowd of former devote fans who booed him out of the arena. But before Cruz could exit with some form of dignity, Trump strolls out from behind the rafters like Sting with The Crow face paint and a baseball bat. Cruz and his family have to be escorted out of the Quicken Loans Arena for their own safety.
Of course, it was no shocker when Cruz recanted his principled stance against Orange Fury by eventually endorsing him for President a mere two months later.
The 2016 Asshole of the Year goes to Debbie Wasserman Shultz and the DNC.
And it’s not even close. Shultz makes the Douchebag Pharma Bro look like a pretty swell dude. Shultz had one job to do. Just one fucking job. All she had to do was remain fair to each candidate running for the Democratic nomination while maintaining the integrity of the committee. Not a hard job.
But only days before the Democratic Convention, Wikileaks doing the fieldwork of CNN, ABC, NBC and Fox News, rocked the Party with documented leaks of propagated rigging against Bernie Sanders, in favor of Clinton.
Shultz resigned from the Chair of the DNC only to be replaced by Donna Brazile who over a month later would be caught in a different Wikileaks email scandal. Brazile who was also a CNN political commentator at the time, gave Clinton the first CNN debate questions ahead of the debate. CNN immediately fired her. The DNC? Not so much.
The 2016 Hero of the Year goes to the Standing Rock Native American activists.
The Standing Rock Sioux Tribe with the help from activists across the country stood up to one of the most powerful industries on the planet and won. Skeptics who have been bitching about Black Lives Matter and anti-police brutality protests for the better part of 2016 can no longer claim that protest doesn’t work. In North Dakota, protest not only worked, it gave power to a people who rarely ever see these kinds of victories.
While the fight is long from over, the Sioux activists have received literally millions of dollars in donations thanks to fundraising by journalist, Shaun King.
This year’s Citizen Roots Dumbass of the Year Award goes to the gullible American.
First of all, an estimated 40 percent of the 231 million eligible American voters did not vote. That is 92 million people. Clinton collected 65.8 million votes. Trump snagged 62.9 million votes. In a year in which arguably each party nominated their worst candidate in a century, the truly disenfranchised American people could muscle up and finally display some pull on a presidential election. Well when you have the media full time railing against third-party candidates, we failed.
Americans listened to poll after poll and pundit after pundit telling us which way was left and which way was south. The gullible American was told once again you only had two choices, when we had a whole lot to pick from. The gullible American forgot that country isn’t a democracy when it comes to presidential elections. They fell for the some of the most malignant bullshit from both parties. Democrats nominated a corporate war hawk with an airport full of baggage and expected a cake walk. Republicans nominated a blowhard crony capitalist with the expectation of smaller ran government.
92 million. We could have changed the tide. We didn’t have to have either Clinton or Trump. It was so obvious.
Quote of the year goes to The Donald.
"And when you're a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything."
How this gaffe wasn't the final kick to the nuts of Trump's wacko presidency, I'll never know. But it was as entertaining as it was fucking creepy. You kinda got to hand it to Trump for weathering the storm that was pussygate.
2016 MVP Award goes to Netflix.
Dear, Netflix. Thank you for Black Mirror, Luke Cage and The Get Down. You done stepped your game up again. You're pretty much HBO's younger hotter sister who took our eyes away from a years serving of perverted political car wrecks and brought us binges upon binges worth of joy.
Serial Killer of the year goes to...well...2016.
Dude, 2016. You killed all of our favorite people. Like, seriously. You took Alan Rickman, Gene Wilder, Arnold Palmer, Chyna, Gordie Howe, Phife Dawg, Garry Shandling, Ron Glass, Merle Haggard, Doris Roberts, Ricky Harris, Alan Thicke, David Bowie, Prince, Muhammad Ali, and Carrie Fisher. Fuck you 2016.
This years “Hate Us, Because They Ain’t Us” Award goes to Wikileaks.
Wikileaks and Julian Assange have a ten year record of never putting out a single false item of information to the American people. Unblemished. They are held to the highest moral codes and journalistic integrity. You literally can’t get more honest and trustworthy than Wikileaks. This drives the mainstream media and SJW’s on both sides of the aisle bonkers.
Wikileaks was responsible for releasing the DNC leaks that may have cost Hillary Clinton the election. The problem is that everything in the leaks was honest, documented and held to the highest of journalistic standards.
The CIA and FBI are not held in the same regard. They have a track record of lying, stealing, killing, hacking, rigging and cheating. So while they claim Russia was the culprit of the DNC leaks, without conclusive evidence, they cannot be trusted on their word alone.
Wikileaks however, released a statement saying that Russia was not responsible for the controversial leaks. They have never lied to us before, and that matters.
But here we are much like in similar position in 2002 being asked to take the words of the CIA seriously with no evidence needed. Many of us didn't believe the bullshit WMD story back then. And we sure as fuck don't believe the Russian hack story today. Not without proof.
Wikileaks has changed the course of world politics by allowing a safe haven for whistle blowers and journalists to exchange dangerous information. They are the tip of a sword missing from mainstream American journalism. Whether it’s them going after Bush Administration war crimes or Obama’s spy programs or the Democratic Party’s closed door shenanigans, they remain consistent. You may hate them today because they exposed your guy. But you will love them again when they expose your enemy. One thing was for certain in 2016, anyone who hated them was because they aint them.