Here's Why We Won't be Covering the Inauguration

Every establishment media team, along with the larger independent outlets, will be spending the entire day draining every piece of significance out of Trump's inauguration that they possibly can. Most of them began preparing for the day hours ahead of when any self respecting human being would even consider waking up. That hair won't quaff itself, after all.

The desperation for this kind of wall-to-wall coverage of Inauguration Day is most extreme in the cases of largely political news sources. Their audience tends to sharply decline on January 21st, since most of the American population considers their role in politics over after the office is taken. The lucky bastards who think that way are now free to return to their daily lives, unburden from the endless war of attrition that is following American politics. Most sane human beings simply don't have the stomach for it after 18 months of front row seats to something that they can hardly believe is real. After today, most people will be too mentally exhausted to pay the kind of attention that they do during a presidential campaign. So, political writers and pundits are wringing every last drop that they can out of the end of that cycle. To them, Inauguration Day is the two-minute-warning for the end of massive ad dollars and content shares. They'll be screaming at the tops of their lungs to get a taste of that kind of gigantic and attentive audience for at least the next four years. Barring something as appealing as a White House sex scandal, impeachment, or both, like the 'Slick Willy' days, the party ends at midnight. Their once enthralled audience will turn back into an apathetic pumpkin.

But a manchild like Donald Trump is different. He derives his strength from people paying attention to him. He doesn't seem bothered by the fact that he's entering the presidency with a historically low 40% approval rating, because he only cares that he's being paid attention. Trump doesn't give a flying shit if you like him or not, as long as his name is on your lips.

Trump is like that kid in the fourth grade who was already an asshole, but then his parents had a baby, so now they have less time for him. This motivates him to slowly stab the classroom gerbil with a pencil until all eyes are pointed his way. Whether the attention is derived from disgust or not is irrelevant. His mission has been accomplished. If he learns that his horrible behavior pulls people's focus his way, then he's only encouraged to up it. This has massive consequences for the recently maimed gerbil. Covering a guy like that should only be done when the results of his actions directly affect the populous. His inauguration hardly qualifies.

To anyone reading this who may not have experienced a presidential inauguration in the past, let me save you several hours of your life. Just imagine that the Super Bowl Halftime Show and the Miss America Pageant took place simultaneously on a blimp, and that blimp crashed into a church revival. There's praying, singing, celebrities, congratulatory speeches from politicians who are eager to suckle the new teat, anecdotes, and tearful farewells to the outgoing president. Of course, Trump may unveil his new golden 'President Trump' sign that's been shoddily affixed above the rose garden, but otherwise the whole affair should be as described above. Unless there's a fire or a plague of locusts, it's hardly news worthy. The ego-masturbating parade of sycophants that constitutes the event won't change anything in your life. It's just the party that kicks off the march into a new fight for the politically active, and a wrap up party for the part-timers who's political interest will be tepid at best for the next four years.

For these reasons, Citizen Roots Press will not cover the inauguration any further than the mention of it's existence herein. There are also selfish reasons for our collective desire to ignore the inauguration. As exhausting as it is to follow a presidential campaign cycle like this one, it's mentally and physically brutal to cover it. We've spent the last year and a half deep in obsessive research, attempting to relay enough information to warn us all away from the edge of the cliff. The failure to succeed in that aim has taken a hefty toll on us all. Additionally, the recent confirmation hearings of the incoming administration have shown us that there's a lot of reality that we need to rest up for. We'll need our strength for when this crowd starts eviscerating the EPA, Department of Education, HUD, the economy, and our general civil liberties. You'll hear from us then. CNN, FOX, and MSNBC can fill you in on which singer looked like they might've been lip-syncing, disgracing the sacred pageantry that ensures the peaceful transfer of power.

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